people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
vagina is talking i cant
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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