Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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