just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
