I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize