you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
