Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
