dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
