i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
