I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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