Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You are the jesus of drinking
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
