if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
