The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
