If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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