i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
