John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
