THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
