i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
