Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
