So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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