Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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