A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
