so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
