You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
