Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
