bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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