he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
