I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
