One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
