I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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