You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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