No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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