We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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