My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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