It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
