I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
