you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
