remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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