the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
