i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize