Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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