I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
