My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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