If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All the doctor said was why
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
