Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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