Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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