can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
