he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
