Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
are you so shy because you have an std?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
