he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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