It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
