I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
