Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we're making bets on your personal life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
