i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
