goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Define "chronic" masturbator.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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