Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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