i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
