remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you will always have a special place in my vag
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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