where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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