it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
