It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
