She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
