im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
