I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
