there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
