do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
