Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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