eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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