Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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