well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
