I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
