the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I'm really busy with my period
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