Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
