well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
