I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
