I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
