yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize