That's when you crack a 10am beer
you didnt know i had herpes?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
