I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
